It seems the Catholic Church is selling indulgences again. (Hat tip to Rev. Dr. Marilyn Sewell ) Indulgences, if you've forgotten your church history, were coupons redeemable for time off in Purgatory, usable by yourself or on the behalf of another. A lot of money was raised for the church by selling indulgences, which gave me an idea...
CUUMBAYA is now offering Indulgences! For every free-will contribution of $25 or more, CUUMBAYA will send you an Indulgence, printed on genuine imitation parchment, guaranteeing that you will not be consigned to everlasting Hellfire by a Unitarian Universalist minister for any sins committed before the issuance date of the Indulgence. CUUMBAYA further guarantees that some portion of that money will be put in the collection plate of All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church of Indianapolis.
This is a money-back guarantee. Should you find yourself in Hell, sent there by a Unitarian Universalist minister for sins committed before the issuance date of the Indulgence, have your lawyer send a registered letter and CUUMBAYA will cheerfully refund your money. (You should have no trouble finding legal representation in Hell)
Contribute now, and contribute often to keep yourself covered for any new sins you might commit. Don't forget your friends and family- Indulgences are the perfect gift for the man or woman who has done everything!
FULL COVERAGE PLAN Remember CUUMBAYA in your will to get that final Indulgence! A bargain for a life ill spent!