Friday, April 28, 2006

In the Midst of Life...

My father in law died this morning. It was not unexpected; he was in home hospice care. And yet somehow it was still kind of a surprise; there's a big difference between knowing something will happen, and having it happen. For a number of reasons he meant as much to me as my own father had, and it affected me deeply.

Some of the effects one expects, and some you think you know how it will feel if you have lost a loved one before- but it's never quite the same. Some reactions you surprise yourself with...he had been dead for hours; why was the moment when the sheet was drawn over his head so powerful? Of all things, why would one start crying when trying to order bagels for the family? I guess I don't want answers badly enough to try to figure it out, even if answers exist... as the king of Siam said, "But... is... a puzzlement!"

3 comments:

Bill Baar said...

I'm sorry....

Chalicechick said...

When my friend Margaret first went into her local hospital, I sent her an issue of Cosmo with a note about how she could study it and land herself a doctor.

Then I sent another to Duke medical center after they found out it was cancer.

Then I brought her one in the hospice.

She died in February, and still every new issue of Cosmo comes way too soon for me.

I'm so sorry, Joel.

CC

Joel Monka said...

Thanks Bill, CC. I get it about Cosmo- funny how the mind latches onto things. Probably worth an essay by someone deeper than I.