My father in law died this morning. It was not unexpected; he was in home hospice care. And yet somehow it was still kind of a surprise; there's a big difference between knowing something will happen, and having it happen. For a number of reasons he meant as much to me as my own father had, and it affected me deeply.
Some of the effects one expects, and some you think you know how it will feel if you have lost a loved one before- but it's never quite the same. Some reactions you surprise yourself with...he had been dead for hours; why was the moment when the sheet was drawn over his head so powerful? Of all things, why would one start crying when trying to order bagels for the family? I guess I don't want answers badly enough to try to figure it out, even if answers exist... as the king of Siam said, "But... is... a puzzlement!"