Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Joe Republican

That's the title of a Facebook essay by Jeff Parker that I just saw, attention being drawn by Desmond Ravenstone. In this essay, Joe Republican goes through a normal day, and we see how his life is made better by things Republicans opposed. (We'll set aside for the moment that the very concept of the essay- Republicans believe all government is bad- is a straw man; after all, the reason there is a Republican party is because they believe there is a place for government- otherwise, they'd be anarchists.)

It starts off with his pills and his breakfast- "Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry." Hmmm, what girly-man liberal would that be? The Food and Drug Administration was created by Republican President Theodore Roosevelt, the "Rough Rider", "Big Stick" girly-man.

In the second paragraph, "Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air." Ok, let's see; what wacko liberal was it who proposed and signed into law the Environmental Protection Agency? That would be Richard Millhouse Nixon. He goes on to talk about the subways, but I can't comment on that- like 90% of all Americans, I don't live anywhere near a subway. I do pay for them, but I don't get to use them.

He then talks about Joe's job. "If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune." Well, it's hard to talk about liberal or conservative, Republican or Democrat here, because these things are administered at the state level, and individual states have different political histories. But there are some federal guidelines written by the Department of Labor. And what stupid liberal took the bureau of labor out of the back offices of the Interior Department and made it a cabinet level department in its own right? That would be Republican President Taft.

Then Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae mortgage... gee, I wonder if that's one of the subprime mortgages that destroyed the housing industry, and made for the half a trillion dollar bailout? I'm afraid Jeff's got me there, that is a Democratic project.

He then plans to visit his father, in a car that's safe because of government regulations... Is he referring to regulations of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, the office that regulates industry for the safety of both the workers and their customers- created by that bleeding-heart liberal Richard Nixon? His father lives in an old house- "The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification." I wonder if he's referring to the Tennessee Valley Authority, the government corporation that brought electricity to the vast center of America, the portion hardest hit by the depression... you know, the creation of Republican Senator George W. Norris of Nebraska.

On the way home, of course, Joe listens to talk radio- "The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day." Perhaps he doesn't mention it because it isn't true.


Bill Baar said...

Joe pay any taxes? Curious to see where those go for the Joes from Illinois. You can bet Joe's taxes end up in some curious Democratic stakeholder pockets.

Roger said...

Of course by todays standards the Republicans you mention would be considered liberal so the gist of the story still has merit.

Joel Monka said...

You've got a point, Roger. I mean, look at T.R., whose idea of diplomacy was to send The Great White Fleet- more than a quarter million tons of battleships- on a "good will tour" around the world to intimidate nations like Japan. And that wacky lefty Nixon- secret bombings of Cambodia, Agent Orange, cluster bombs,and napalm; secret tapes, illegal wiretraps, and enemies lists- how liberal can you get?

Doc Häagen-Dazs said...

We have a revenue crisis in America. We need more taxes. Progressive taxes!

mark said...

Your real sin is that you cannot be Republican and a member of UU! When you are, you really can consider yourself the true radical. Good post!